In Memory of Jose: How Perla Meraz Felt Her Lost Lover’s Presence at Nocturnal Wonderland 19 Years After His Death

If you haven’t already, check out part one of the story before reading part two below.

Perla Meraz’s boyfriend Jose Robles may have died 19 years ago, but this past September 5, on the second night of Nocturnal Wonderland, he felt very close.

Perla and Jose, who went by the name Deeper, were avid members of L.A.’s early rave scene, attending undergrounds, warehouse parties and the first two Nocturnals in 1995 and 1996. Jose was shot and killed on November 27, 1996 by his own roommate. Following his death, Perla, now 37, found it too difficult to return to the scene where she and Jose had spent their formative years, so she stopped going to parties after he passed.

This year, however, was different. Almost two decades after last setting foot in a rave, Perla made her return to the scene at Nocturnal Wonderland 2015. She was there to commemorate a culture that had given her so much and, more importantly, to commemorate Jose.

All the reasons for her return, however, felt distant to Perla during the second night of Nocturnal Wonderland. Perla’s nieces, Liani, 21, and Deezy Gomez, 23, were on a mission to get their aunt to the front of Flosstradamus’ set. But instead of thrilling her, the blaring music, mosh pits and packed crowd left Perla feeling anxious and uneasy, and she decided to move to the back of the crowd.

There was no such thing as trap music when Perla and Jose had been raving, no such thing as “rave bootie” or twerking, and definitely no mosh pits. Back then, 3,000 people comprised a massive. On this night, there were more than that at one stage.

In that moment, the festival felt aggressive and foreign to Perla. “The tears started coming out of my eyes, and I was like, ‘Get a hold of yourself,’” she explains. “Then I look up, and this guy is standing right in front of me, and his shirt has ‘Deeper’ on it. I was like, no fucking way.”

The significance of the moment was unquestionable. “I felt this peace over me, and I just enjoyed the rest of the night,” says Perla. “I knew Jose was there.”

While 18 years have passed since she decided to stop raving—a decision made because of the pain and agony of losing her best friend and lover—Perla is now continuing for Jose. “I just ran away instead of facing that fear,” she says. “Now that I went back, I want to continue!” She’s already planning trips to Escape and EDC Las Vegas, with Liani and Deezy by her side.

If it were not for her nieces’ encouragement, she may have never returned to Nocturnal in the first place. “I just don’t want her to be sad anymore,” says Deezy. “We all made it clear to her that maybe this would help her release and realize that he is no longer here, but that he will be with us.”

Perla also felt the support from other ravers at Nocturnal, all people she had never met before. “The second I walked into the festival, I got stopped right away,” says Perla. “She was like a rave celebrity,” adds Liani. People had read Perla’s story and, upon spotting her totem of Jose, approached her to trade kandi and welcome her back to the scene. Others shared stories of losing loved ones that they used to rave with.

After making her way out of the throng at Galantis’ set Sunday, Perla spotted a couple seeking her out. “They were running after me!” she says. It turns out they had made her kandi saying “We dance for Jose,” and as the rave gods would have it, they found her the last day of Nocturnal.

At Nocturnal’s Upside-Down Room, veteran Nocturnal DJs including R.A.W. and Fester—both artists Perla and Jose danced to back in the day—were once again taking the decks. “Just being with DJ Trance took me back,” she says. “I was just closing my eyes and imagining me and Jose dancing against the speaker, and man, it was awesome. I loved it.”

Ultimately, the eventful weekend has left Perla with a new attitude toward raving. “If Jose would have still been here, I know for a fact we wouldn’t have stopped raving,” says Perla. “Life works in crazy ways, but I took him back home, and I want to keep on taking him.”

“What I need is a dose of rave!” Jose wrote to Perla in a letter from November 1995, a year before he died.

20 years later, he got was he was looking for.

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