Finding Peace Within the Rave Scene: Theresa Cole

My name is Theresa, and I’m from Apple Valley, California. My introduction to the rave scene was a bit unconventional: I began raving back in 2009, during a very dark time in my life. I was diagnosed with Stage III cervical cancer, and within a week I landed in the hospital, went through various surgeries, and had my world turned completely upside-down. Sadly, this also included my marriage, something that quickly began to fall apart due to my condition.

It wasn’t long before I realized that I was going to need to make some changes. I was going to need to better myself, and I swore that if I made it through the cancer, I was going to do something better for me. I’d spent much of my life doing things for other people, and not enough of it was spent doing things for me—things that made me happy.

Once I thankfully beat the cancer and attempted to mend my marriage, I decided that I would begin working again. I hadn’t been working for a while before that, instead living the role of a stay-at-home mom. When I went back to work, I landed a job as a manager at my own store and was able to meet a number of new people. I realized there were many, many other people in the world that needed help or guidance, and somehow I began to take on what seemed like the mom role of the group. Along the way, I met my dear friend Candice—and she was a raver!

I always thought it was interesting when she would attend various events and tell me, “You should really come out with me! I think you would really get something out of this, and I think the rave world needs to know someone like you—someone who has so much to give.”

I felt like I was too old for it. I’m 41 years old now—not to mention a mom. Why should I go to an event like that? Why should I go to anything, really? Candice would always reply with this: “Because there’s so much in the world that you’re missing out on, and the world is missing out on you.”

Finally, after some thought, I decided to try out raving. I needed something—just a night out, even. So, I went to my first event: a small party, but complete with all the costumes, the people, the dancing, the colors and the lights. I had an amazing time.

While I was there, Candice told my story to someone we’d met. He said I reminded him of a Chinese proverb: “The caterpillar thought her life was coming to an end, but then she became a beautiful butterfly.”

With all the loud music, what I thought I heard was flutterbye. “What’s a flutterbye?” I asked. He laughed and said he didn’t know. “But I know that it’s perfect for you, because you fluttered into my life, and that’s what you’re going to do from now on. You’re going to flutter into others’ lives, and you’re going to make something happen for them. You’re going to do something special for each person that you meet, by telling them your story and telling them who you are.”

In that moment, I felt an excitement inside of me. That was the moment I was given my rave name, Flutterbye, and that was the moment I decided that this is what I was going to do. Raves are my little escape, my little getaways; through raves, I could touch different people and talk to different people. Before that, I was very closed off and so far from the world that I hardly even knew what was going on out there.

When I went to my next event, EDC 2010, I had no idea what I was in for. But from the moment I walked in and saw everything around me, I knew that’s where I belonged. That’s where I felt the most at home. I felt the most me, even though nobody knew Theresa—they only met Flutterbye. Ironically, people were actually getting to know the real me, and with each event and each experience and each new friend, I was starting to find my own peace, my own self, and began to do things for myself.

Once I started raving more, I started to be more active outside of it as well: getting outside, exercising, all of it. I’ve lost 104 pounds in about a year and a half. I lost all the weight, I started to feel healthy, and I started to feel great about myself. In turn, I was given new opportunities at work: Instead of merely booking characters for my superhero and princess company, I realized that I too could be the characters. Now, I work as a princess at a character company!

From chaos to peace is where I’ve come. It’s taken me six years to figure out who I am and where I want to go, but now I really feel like I’ve found that inner person I was always meant to be. So many people will tell you how you can find peace in the chaos of the rave world: The experience is what you make of it, and I have been able to take that rave world and that feeling and that happiness and bring it into my own life. I’ve been able to find more peace in my own life, and I have developed a tolerance toward things I can’t control.

I hope my story touches you as much as it’s helped me. That’s what Flutterbye does: She flutters in, makes an impression, and bye-bye.