An Open Letter About Suicide and Depression Awareness

I write this hoping I can bring attention to a subject many people overlook and let go too far: Every year, we lose too many people to suicide and long-term depression. Depression affects approximately 14.8 million American adults, or about 4.6 percent of the population; 7.7 million Americans (2.3 percent) suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). One of them is me.

Suicide rates are still rising. Why is this happening? Most people aren’t educated on the topic or simply can’t afford the ridiculous costs of seeking help. Many try to steer clear of free help centers, avoiding awkward conversations with doctors who simply want to medicate you and not help the underlying cause.

I have come up with an idea for an organization, but I don’t know where to begin with it. I would need people to help push the idea and find people to start this organization with me.

Here’s a little on my past to fill you in on why I believe so strongly in this idea. Growing up in the Forth Worth area of Texas, I was always the awkward kid. I dressed however I pleased, never had many friends, and knew from a young age I was gay. I was bullied all the way through eighth grade, when I decided to move schools to start over. I finally felt like I had escaped some of the pain, when I was faced with an even bigger trial in life.

I met a guy online who said he was 16 years old. We talked for months and eventually met in person. Unbeknown to me, he was a rapist. I was raped at such a young age, and at a time when I was trying to put so many pieces together, that I completely fell apart. I became a zombie. From not eating, skipping school, sleeping all day and self-mutilating to actually attempting suicide, I felt trapped inside my own body.

I sought help from different counseling centers, only for them to medicate me and move on. The suffering I endured led me to a long-term path of depression. I know firsthand how hard it is facing it daily.

At a young age, I remember coming across a Best of Trance CD, which was way different from the sad and hard music I was listening to. I still remember the exact moment I heard the first song, Tiësto’s “Just Be.” I was lying in my bed, and after hearing the song, I went from a feeling of numbness to understanding and happiness.

I have come up with an idea for an organization, but I don’t know where to begin with it. I would need people to help push the idea and find people to start this organization with me.

After listening to Best of Trance, I went to an underground club called Afterlife to see what it was about. The minute I stepped in, I found bright lights, dramatic clothing, loose raver pants, spiked hair, glowing gloves and more. I remember so many people saying hi to me in a way I had never seen before. When I would go to other clubs, I had to beg for someone to speak with me. In this environment, I was surrounded by nothing but warm, loving people who wanted to spread happiness. I continued going to local undergrounds and eventually attended EDC Dallas, which was the most eye-opening experience ever. From there, I attended festivals like Meltdown, Lights All Night, Nocturnal Wonderland and so on. I was doing all I could to soak myself in this loving environment where I felt safe, like I had a purpose.

Just like these shows, I believe we can really create a new environment where people can feel safe, and raise money to provide help for people who can’t. Insomniac has created a home for thousands of festivalgoers—a place where ravers can feel at home, feel like they belong and find happiness, even if just for a moment. I think it would be great to host a tour or multi-festival fundraiser with the world’s biggest DJs and artists. The purpose would be to raise money and educate everyone on the topic of depression.

I see people pour their hearts out on blogs or Facebook, letting out cries for help, yet people disregard them or make fun of them for reaching out for a caring hand. We simply need to teach people that depression is a real disorder and can affect you beyond belief. It’s time to stop this illness and help everyone in need through the power of music and unity that Insomniac and the rave community have created.

With the power of music and a powerful organization, I feel like we can help so many people. We are all here for a reason: to be a family and help one another. This is why I’m asking for your help with this organization. Let our community bond even stronger, and let us use our music for a positive change. I want to leave this world having made a difference.

I hope this reaches people who will help me create this organization, or that someone simply reads this and finds a place of safety knowing they are not alone.

With peace and sincere love,
Kyle Deeb

Want to get in touch with Kyle? Contact him on Facebook.